Suffocation

Mood: Victimised
Listening to: Bring Me The Horizon

i hate school. now more then ever. I'm suffocating in all the bad things that are going on right now. i just cant take it. the whole day i was told that no one likes me by this utter fuckwit [Bobby.. haha!] i know that's not true and everything but with everything else going on, its just making it worse. no one around me knows the full extent of whats wrong, and neither do i to be honest. all my friends have their own issues, Lilly with losing herself, Luna with going generally insane after her break up with Lloyd where shes depressed and then hyper and Tazz having a boyfriend who disappears all the time and has a psycho ex boyfriend who looks like a pixie. I'm serious. it all wouldn't have affected me as much if it all didn't happen in one go. people are now turning against me because of my ex. apparently I'm the bitch. pfft as if! I'm trying to defend myself. none of these people know about my uncle john or the full impact this has all had on me. i swore to myself that I'd never cut, but I'm attempting it. blunt knife and not pressing hard enough. i have a weird issue with deep cuts, that's why I'm attempting this slowly.

i only feel safe in my head. when someone attempts communication, i have to leave the only place i feel safe. i just need a safety net that i lost a while ago. i want an easy challenge, new people to me are an easy challenge. i just want to get to know somebody again. try to be the person i was a while ago and haven't fully been since. part the reason why i like a public account on bebo, i talk to people I've never met and never will meet. Luna keeps saying we should meet some new emo boys which i find funny because, where we live, there aren't many emos at all. but knowing today's world, they'd be gay. no offence or anything but its quite true.

the weather at the moment reflects how most of us feel. but unlike most people, i like the rain. it calms me and its pretty in its own, misunderstood way.

i have several things that i do to try and calm myself, usually sit in the rain or draw manga... and eat chocolate. but they've all stopped working recently. and Ive had violent outbursts towards people. like bobby. or this other boy, Oliver. they bring out almost the worst in me.

i think I'll end it here or I'll be going on all night.
much love to people like me with suckish lives.
Au revouir x

Catch Up - The Suckish Life So Far

Mood: Bored
Listening to: The Computer Buzz

FYI: all names in this blog are fake. to keep their identity a secret like me. if you get what I'm on about. it helps me keep track of who I'm writing about.

Fairly recently, everything in my life has piled up. My Great-grandfather died about a month ago from, i think it's called MRSA. And also a week later my Great-nan [on the opposite side of the family] died as well. so that wasn't good. at all. even now everyone cries.

Over the two week Easter holidays i went to town fairly often with my friends but one of my friend[Kitty] was being a bitch and leading this poor guy on[Maxi]. he's a year older and she has a boyfriend and she just wouldn't leave him alone. also her attitude towards me and a really good friend of ours[Tazz] was just out of line. she wants to control us all and i cant stand it anymore.

the first week back at school was fine. AKA Fucked-up Indecorous Naff and Exhausting. nothing goes right for me in my life. my ex has turned a couple of my good friends against me, homework gets piled on, people DIE! i mean really, what else could go wrong? hm well today i found out that my Uncle[John] was threatening to kill himself coz he was insanely depressed as he is divorcing my Auntie[Sarah] and has to sell his house. my poor dad[Alex] had to look for him and the police were also involved. oh, and not forgetting that his stepson[Jase] [although i think of him as a cousin and i grew up with him as a cousin but anyway] is gay. he told his real dad and probably my uncle a couple of days ago. i don't have anything against it, i think its awesome but it was a bit of a shock.

see how suckish my life is? yeah you probably do.
well that's about it again.
see you on the flip side.
lovess x

The Beginning of A Crazy Angel

Hey Everybody out there reading this, I am going to start blogging my everyday life, which does have alot of drama in it. its just generally something to do when I'm not helping out around the house, doing homework or at school. I have been looking for answers to alot of questions and also trying to finish my EXTREAMLY LONG and EVER GROWING to-do list.
Also if anyone knows something I should try [and put it on my list] or somewhere I sould go, please tell me if you can coz I like trying new things.

Uhh well, thats about it everyone uhh... haha yeah well see you next blog
lovess x
CrazyxAngel