3: My Parents

Dear Mum and Dad.
.
Its taken me so fucking long to understand you both and, honestly, I still dont know where you're coming from half the time. You seem to have faith in me when you're in a good mood but then when you snap you shout about how fucking useless I am.
Mum, I hate our family. I hate spending time with everyone because we cant have a nice conversation, or nice dinner, or even a nice Christmas. No one fucking cares or says thank you when I decide to do something nice like laying the Christmas table, filling and emptying the dish washer, sweeping the floors, cleaning the kitchen. I hardly ever get a thank you. Thats why I do fuck all most of the time because I dont think I should bother if I dont get any recognition for it. I'm not asking for money, honestly I clean downstairs because I cant stand the mess. All I really want is for someone to just say thank you and tell me I've done a good job.
Dad. You're knob most of the time. You forget the dates I'm meant to see you and blame it on me, you pretend everything is fine and dandy. You're a pain in the arse. Its irritating how You always bring your girlfriend when you see me. I like her and everything but she's not my mum, she's not related to me and you're not married. We have a shitty relationship with each other you haven't registered and sometimes I dont want to see Nan or speak to Tina. Sometimes I'd like to just sit down to dinner or something and talk to you. You cant remember anything to do with me these days, like what colleges I've applied too or the courses I want to take... Its not that difficult. I'm you're only child after all.
.
Generally, I am glad that you both split up when I was 3. I dont remember it. But I just dont know what its like to have a complete family where your parents are together. I'm jealous of people who got to experience that but I'm glad that I didn't have to go through that trauma as well. I'm also glad that you've both found someone you both really like.
(Although, Mum, your boyfriend is weird and act inappropriately to me and Gran. Please tell him to fuck off.)
I'm happy to see you both happy. However. Mum stop fucking canoodling in front of everyone. Me and Grannie bitch and complain about it. I would never snog Skei in front of all of you, sure I'd kiss him, hold hands or snuggle on the couch but nothing inappropriate.
Grow up Mum.
.
Love you're irritated daughter Kodi.
x

:( Sparkiie (L)

listening to: Avril Lavigne. She has good depressing songs.
talking to: Craigg.. about depressing shit.
thinking about: Depressing shit.

Fuck my life.

I hate cancer. i hope they find a FUCKING CURE soon. damn it. My Dog Sparkie has cancer. had it for a bit over a year... hes only 4 for Christs sakee. if hes not looking better in 48 hours theres nothing anyone can do... if he dies, i will fall apart and go mental. hes my bubbyy :( i dont want to lose my icklee fwend who keeps me company when im sad! it'll tear me apart and top off the crazy spilling out my head. :(

OhShoot!Its Crazyy!!SparkiieBoyy): DoesntLookGoodForYouuBubby Sparkie has a high chance of dying soon

CraigyyBoyy says:
ohhhh tht suckss alott

OhShoot!Its Crazyy!!SparkiieBoyy): DoesntLookGoodForYouuBubby yes now i kno why iv felt so shit all month

CraigyyBoyy says:
oo how long has he/she had it forr

OhShoot!Its Crazyy!!SparkiieBoyy): DoesntLookGoodForYouuBubby about a year its a boy btw hes only 4

CraigyyBoyy says:
oh thts soo gay life is soo shitt

OhShoot!Its Crazyy!!SparkiieBoyy): DoesntLookGoodForYouuBubby yeahh deffinetlyy, i hav an exam tomorrow too fucks sakee WHY MY FUCKIGN DOG??

CraigyyBoyy says:
wat ur exam in, yeahh thts why i hate life most of the time

OhShoot!Its Crazyy!! SparkiieBoyy): DoesntLookGoodForYouuBubby yeahh i kno, english for my diploma

CraigyyBoyy says:
good luck for tht

OhShoot!Its Crazyy!!SparkiieBoyy): DoesntLookGoodForYouuBubby tahh

CraigyyBoyy says:
is he at vets now

OhShoot!Its Crazyy!!SparkiieBoyy): DoesntLookGoodForYouuBubby no.. just got back, if hes not better in 48 hours theres nothing we can do

CraigyyBoyy says:
thts soo gay im sorry dude

OhShoot!Its Crazyy!!SparkiieBoyy): DoesntLookGoodForYouuBubby thanks
god. i swear someone i kno dies every year.. since i was 10
10-my first dog,11-not sure.. 12- my granddad 13- my mums friends dad 14-great granddad and great nan 15- Sparkie nearlyy..
fuck my life

CraigyyBoyy says:
thtss soo gay ive lost my grandma wen i was 9
and i nearly lost my dad the other yearr

OhShoot!Its Crazyy!!SparkiieBoyy): DoesntLookGoodForYouuBubby hows that?

CraigyyBoyy says:
he had a heart attack nd was in hostiple for a while
nd he still ill

OhShoot!Its Crazyy!!SparkiieBoyy): DoesntLookGoodForYouuBubby)': ahh thats shit

CraigyyBoyy says:
yeahh its another reason why im normally depressed

OhShoot!Its Crazyy!!SparkiieBoyy): DoesntLookGoodForYouuBubby)': mm
well most of this is why im in counselling

CraigyyBoyy says:
i didnt Know u did counsellingg

OhShoot!Its Crazyy!!SparkiieBoyy): DoesntLookGoodForYouuBubby)': yeahh. hav done since end of year 9

CraigyyBoyy says:
oo, whats it likee
does it help at all

OhShoot!Its Crazyy!!SparkiieBoyy): DoesntLookGoodForYouuBubby)': well it kinda does, i mean before i felt like i couldnt talk to anyone so it gave me someone to talk to, you just sit there and talk about things going on or hav gone on

CraigyyBoyy says:
oo ritee

OhShoot!Its Carzyy!!SparkiieBoyy): DoesntLookGoodForYouuBubby)': i think one of the first things i talked to her about was why i felt shit at the time, then it was self image, now it varies

CraigyyBoyy says:
oo ritee how often do u do it

OhShoot!Its Amiie!! SparkiieBoyy): DoesntLookGoodForYouuBubby)': uhm varies on when theres a space
or what lesson you wanna miss
im missing p.e tomorrow

CraigyyBoyy says:
luckyy ;P

OhShoot!Its Crazyy!!SparkiieBoyy): DoesntLookGoodForYouuBubby)': ;P the down side to that is i havent been in ages and iv gone a bit mental
cut myself more then i used to

CraigyyBoyy says:
oo thts annoying

OhShoot!Its Crazyy!!SparkiieBoyy): DoesntLookGoodForYouuBubby)': mm lifes bull shit
its a pointless game everyone loses in the end anyway

CraigyyBoyy says:
mm i agree.. we all die in the end.

and that was mine and Craig's depressing conversationn..
and WHOOPEYY i get to miss p.e tomorrow coz of the counsellor (Y)

finally
havent been in ages. im going insane.

but hey thats my news. and that Skei could be expelled from my school, whiwch would make me even worse.

so anyway
good bye all, prey for my puppyy?
if you do i'll love you (:

"I've had my wake up, Wont you wake up, I keep asking why, I cant take it, It wasnt fake, It happened you passed by.."
x