AHHH! WHATS GOING ON!!

Bastard God.
Took My Dog.
Lifes Flushed Down The Bog
Someone Gimme A HOG [hug.. incase you didnt get it]

Like my little limmerick? Yeah. Sorry I havent written on here in a little while, I write in 'My Trip To Perfection' Daily so most stuffs in there...

Yes, Sparkie died. 5:00pm 4/5/10. 5 years old.

GOD YOU MOTHER FUCKING CUNT!!

I hate him.

The happy pills just make me emotionally numb, then everything explodes out in a messy state called a break down. I think I've had 5 last week. Skei didn't turn up on Monday. Or talk to me on Tuesday. Or come over on Sunday, I walked to his in the end. I still ache.
Bambi had a go at me. No reason at all except, and I quote, 'Your bad mood is your only mood!'...
Bitch.
She knows my dog died.
She can fuck herself for all i care.

Infact. Most people I know can all go die. I hate them all.
I dont need them to tell me I'm shit. I know that already. I have the voices that tell me and the appearance of an ED who shove it in my face everyday. I dont need anyone to make me feel inferiour. I can hurt myself both physically and mentally. They can fuck off.
I'll eventually show them I'm not the fat bitch they think I am. I'm not as pathetic as they think. I have issues. Because of them, and so many other reasons. I'll show them I can be perfect.

I will be perfect.

I've had so much injustice delt to me my whole life I've finally had enough. Its all above my head. Now I will explode like a volcanoe. Just like everytime someone annoys me that little bit too much. They get an earful of abusive shouting from me. And the occational strangle or punch. Or even a bollocking.
I'm done. I have too much inside. Anything else just throws it out of whack.

Ignorance is their best friend. As the beautiful Hayley Williams once sang. She has a point. If they dont know then they dont realise. Their philosophy I guess.

The funny thing is. No one, not even a medical proffecional, thinks theres anything wrong with me. HA! WHAT THE FUCK! I'm close to an ED, I even said to the the nurse that I occationally way over eat then dont eat much for a long time. She didnt pick it up. She thought it was normal. What? Are you kidding? I havent even told her the half of it. Wow. I'm actually coming to terms with the fact I probably have, or I'm developing, an ED. Pretty fast.
But th thing is. I think I'll give up trying to get help. I'll become a mental case, incapable of living day to day life. Then maybe, just maybe, they'll see what's wrong with me.

I cant believe that they dont think anythings wrong with me. The nurse put it down to my dog dieing. But I've felt this way, way before he died! Oh my God!

Okay I'm really angry now. I should go.

Not Best If I'm Angry.
Ughh...
x

oh for f-cks sake ...

My Puppy, Sparkie <3

Christ.
God actually hates me. (And I hate him right fucking back!)

Heres the deal. My Dog, Spark, has cancer. Hes had it for about a year and a half now, but hes coming to the point where we dont think he can fight it anymore.

Hes not eating, drinking or being the puppy I love.

Instead, hes sick, tired, on painkillers and gagging all the time.

Hes my Dog, not anyone else's in the house. So it really hurts.
He only turned 5 a month ago.

I honestly dont think i can handle anymore!


i beat the shit out of a locker last week coz of one little camment about me weight, imagine what I'll do if Spark dies/gets put down.





Yeah. Go mad. At everyone.





The happy pills definetly wont if he does.


Pray for him for me? Even if you're not religious.





And if Skei doesn't turn up today then I'm going to have a break down.


Its coming up to his childhood friends 2 year death anaversary. I get thats hard, I'm trying not to be so pathetic but honestly. I may not be able to face school for the week.





The weather has perfect timing. Its been beautiful all last week, now its pissing it down.





Just when it comes to Skei's friends yanno, and when Spark gets to his worst.


Mum said that if he's still bad today, then she's going to call the vet up to put him to sleep.





I HATE being tested like this.


Too much at once.





At least this mental health place for teenagers has gotten back to me. I'm seeing them on Thursday. I had to fill out a form yesterday to bring in.








FUCK MY LIFE I GIVE UP!!!!!!!!





'Lock the doors I'd Like to caputre this voice..'


wish me luck -.-


x

:( Sparkiie (L)

listening to: Avril Lavigne. She has good depressing songs.
talking to: Craigg.. about depressing shit.
thinking about: Depressing shit.

Fuck my life.

I hate cancer. i hope they find a FUCKING CURE soon. damn it. My Dog Sparkie has cancer. had it for a bit over a year... hes only 4 for Christs sakee. if hes not looking better in 48 hours theres nothing anyone can do... if he dies, i will fall apart and go mental. hes my bubbyy :( i dont want to lose my icklee fwend who keeps me company when im sad! it'll tear me apart and top off the crazy spilling out my head. :(

OhShoot!Its Crazyy!!SparkiieBoyy): DoesntLookGoodForYouuBubby Sparkie has a high chance of dying soon

CraigyyBoyy says:
ohhhh tht suckss alott

OhShoot!Its Crazyy!!SparkiieBoyy): DoesntLookGoodForYouuBubby yes now i kno why iv felt so shit all month

CraigyyBoyy says:
oo how long has he/she had it forr

OhShoot!Its Crazyy!!SparkiieBoyy): DoesntLookGoodForYouuBubby about a year its a boy btw hes only 4

CraigyyBoyy says:
oh thts soo gay life is soo shitt

OhShoot!Its Crazyy!!SparkiieBoyy): DoesntLookGoodForYouuBubby yeahh deffinetlyy, i hav an exam tomorrow too fucks sakee WHY MY FUCKIGN DOG??

CraigyyBoyy says:
wat ur exam in, yeahh thts why i hate life most of the time

OhShoot!Its Crazyy!! SparkiieBoyy): DoesntLookGoodForYouuBubby yeahh i kno, english for my diploma

CraigyyBoyy says:
good luck for tht

OhShoot!Its Crazyy!!SparkiieBoyy): DoesntLookGoodForYouuBubby tahh

CraigyyBoyy says:
is he at vets now

OhShoot!Its Crazyy!!SparkiieBoyy): DoesntLookGoodForYouuBubby no.. just got back, if hes not better in 48 hours theres nothing we can do

CraigyyBoyy says:
thts soo gay im sorry dude

OhShoot!Its Crazyy!!SparkiieBoyy): DoesntLookGoodForYouuBubby thanks
god. i swear someone i kno dies every year.. since i was 10
10-my first dog,11-not sure.. 12- my granddad 13- my mums friends dad 14-great granddad and great nan 15- Sparkie nearlyy..
fuck my life

CraigyyBoyy says:
thtss soo gay ive lost my grandma wen i was 9
and i nearly lost my dad the other yearr

OhShoot!Its Crazyy!!SparkiieBoyy): DoesntLookGoodForYouuBubby hows that?

CraigyyBoyy says:
he had a heart attack nd was in hostiple for a while
nd he still ill

OhShoot!Its Crazyy!!SparkiieBoyy): DoesntLookGoodForYouuBubby)': ahh thats shit

CraigyyBoyy says:
yeahh its another reason why im normally depressed

OhShoot!Its Crazyy!!SparkiieBoyy): DoesntLookGoodForYouuBubby)': mm
well most of this is why im in counselling

CraigyyBoyy says:
i didnt Know u did counsellingg

OhShoot!Its Crazyy!!SparkiieBoyy): DoesntLookGoodForYouuBubby)': yeahh. hav done since end of year 9

CraigyyBoyy says:
oo, whats it likee
does it help at all

OhShoot!Its Crazyy!!SparkiieBoyy): DoesntLookGoodForYouuBubby)': well it kinda does, i mean before i felt like i couldnt talk to anyone so it gave me someone to talk to, you just sit there and talk about things going on or hav gone on

CraigyyBoyy says:
oo ritee

OhShoot!Its Carzyy!!SparkiieBoyy): DoesntLookGoodForYouuBubby)': i think one of the first things i talked to her about was why i felt shit at the time, then it was self image, now it varies

CraigyyBoyy says:
oo ritee how often do u do it

OhShoot!Its Amiie!! SparkiieBoyy): DoesntLookGoodForYouuBubby)': uhm varies on when theres a space
or what lesson you wanna miss
im missing p.e tomorrow

CraigyyBoyy says:
luckyy ;P

OhShoot!Its Crazyy!!SparkiieBoyy): DoesntLookGoodForYouuBubby)': ;P the down side to that is i havent been in ages and iv gone a bit mental
cut myself more then i used to

CraigyyBoyy says:
oo thts annoying

OhShoot!Its Crazyy!!SparkiieBoyy): DoesntLookGoodForYouuBubby)': mm lifes bull shit
its a pointless game everyone loses in the end anyway

CraigyyBoyy says:
mm i agree.. we all die in the end.

and that was mine and Craig's depressing conversationn..
and WHOOPEYY i get to miss p.e tomorrow coz of the counsellor (Y)

finally
havent been in ages. im going insane.

but hey thats my news. and that Skei could be expelled from my school, whiwch would make me even worse.

so anyway
good bye all, prey for my puppyy?
if you do i'll love you (:

"I've had my wake up, Wont you wake up, I keep asking why, I cant take it, It wasnt fake, It happened you passed by.."
x