oh for f-cks sake ...

My Puppy, Sparkie <3

Christ.
God actually hates me. (And I hate him right fucking back!)

Heres the deal. My Dog, Spark, has cancer. Hes had it for about a year and a half now, but hes coming to the point where we dont think he can fight it anymore.

Hes not eating, drinking or being the puppy I love.

Instead, hes sick, tired, on painkillers and gagging all the time.

Hes my Dog, not anyone else's in the house. So it really hurts.
He only turned 5 a month ago.

I honestly dont think i can handle anymore!


i beat the shit out of a locker last week coz of one little camment about me weight, imagine what I'll do if Spark dies/gets put down.





Yeah. Go mad. At everyone.





The happy pills definetly wont if he does.


Pray for him for me? Even if you're not religious.





And if Skei doesn't turn up today then I'm going to have a break down.


Its coming up to his childhood friends 2 year death anaversary. I get thats hard, I'm trying not to be so pathetic but honestly. I may not be able to face school for the week.





The weather has perfect timing. Its been beautiful all last week, now its pissing it down.





Just when it comes to Skei's friends yanno, and when Spark gets to his worst.


Mum said that if he's still bad today, then she's going to call the vet up to put him to sleep.





I HATE being tested like this.


Too much at once.





At least this mental health place for teenagers has gotten back to me. I'm seeing them on Thursday. I had to fill out a form yesterday to bring in.








FUCK MY LIFE I GIVE UP!!!!!!!!





'Lock the doors I'd Like to caputre this voice..'


wish me luck -.-


x

muchomucho [dont ask :L]

rightyy heyyyy all!
im thinking of making anew blog for my songs. id like critique. so yes. :)

OMG IM GOING TO SEE BROKENCYDE, BLOOD ON THE DANCE FLOOR AND JEFFREE STAR IN APRIL!! AHHHHH!! YESS!! none of them are favourites of mine but i do like them muchoss :L so looking forward to it. except king. and ryh. theyv been right bitches coz i bought them their tickets and my lovely matee Lii told me that they were saying stuff like 'i didnt even ask her to get it for me!' which 1. is a lie and 2. is a reli stupid thing to bitch about. im trying to be nice ffs! id rather go with Zanerr Skei and Zanerr's boyfii. itd be better. might just tell them they took too long to decide whether they were going or not. bitchesss.

fuck them
fuck my mum too.
shes a bitch. hates skei for some reason and thinks im having sex with him, which im not. im not even leagl. im not like that either. honestly.

ahhhhhhh! FUCK YOU BITCHEZZ!! IM GOING OFF SOMEWHERE WHERE YOU CANT FACKING FIND ME... if only :/
x

:( Sparkiie (L)

listening to: Avril Lavigne. She has good depressing songs.
talking to: Craigg.. about depressing shit.
thinking about: Depressing shit.

Fuck my life.

I hate cancer. i hope they find a FUCKING CURE soon. damn it. My Dog Sparkie has cancer. had it for a bit over a year... hes only 4 for Christs sakee. if hes not looking better in 48 hours theres nothing anyone can do... if he dies, i will fall apart and go mental. hes my bubbyy :( i dont want to lose my icklee fwend who keeps me company when im sad! it'll tear me apart and top off the crazy spilling out my head. :(

OhShoot!Its Crazyy!!SparkiieBoyy): DoesntLookGoodForYouuBubby Sparkie has a high chance of dying soon

CraigyyBoyy says:
ohhhh tht suckss alott

OhShoot!Its Crazyy!!SparkiieBoyy): DoesntLookGoodForYouuBubby yes now i kno why iv felt so shit all month

CraigyyBoyy says:
oo how long has he/she had it forr

OhShoot!Its Crazyy!!SparkiieBoyy): DoesntLookGoodForYouuBubby about a year its a boy btw hes only 4

CraigyyBoyy says:
oh thts soo gay life is soo shitt

OhShoot!Its Crazyy!!SparkiieBoyy): DoesntLookGoodForYouuBubby yeahh deffinetlyy, i hav an exam tomorrow too fucks sakee WHY MY FUCKIGN DOG??

CraigyyBoyy says:
wat ur exam in, yeahh thts why i hate life most of the time

OhShoot!Its Crazyy!! SparkiieBoyy): DoesntLookGoodForYouuBubby yeahh i kno, english for my diploma

CraigyyBoyy says:
good luck for tht

OhShoot!Its Crazyy!!SparkiieBoyy): DoesntLookGoodForYouuBubby tahh

CraigyyBoyy says:
is he at vets now

OhShoot!Its Crazyy!!SparkiieBoyy): DoesntLookGoodForYouuBubby no.. just got back, if hes not better in 48 hours theres nothing we can do

CraigyyBoyy says:
thts soo gay im sorry dude

OhShoot!Its Crazyy!!SparkiieBoyy): DoesntLookGoodForYouuBubby thanks
god. i swear someone i kno dies every year.. since i was 10
10-my first dog,11-not sure.. 12- my granddad 13- my mums friends dad 14-great granddad and great nan 15- Sparkie nearlyy..
fuck my life

CraigyyBoyy says:
thtss soo gay ive lost my grandma wen i was 9
and i nearly lost my dad the other yearr

OhShoot!Its Crazyy!!SparkiieBoyy): DoesntLookGoodForYouuBubby hows that?

CraigyyBoyy says:
he had a heart attack nd was in hostiple for a while
nd he still ill

OhShoot!Its Crazyy!!SparkiieBoyy): DoesntLookGoodForYouuBubby)': ahh thats shit

CraigyyBoyy says:
yeahh its another reason why im normally depressed

OhShoot!Its Crazyy!!SparkiieBoyy): DoesntLookGoodForYouuBubby)': mm
well most of this is why im in counselling

CraigyyBoyy says:
i didnt Know u did counsellingg

OhShoot!Its Crazyy!!SparkiieBoyy): DoesntLookGoodForYouuBubby)': yeahh. hav done since end of year 9

CraigyyBoyy says:
oo, whats it likee
does it help at all

OhShoot!Its Crazyy!!SparkiieBoyy): DoesntLookGoodForYouuBubby)': well it kinda does, i mean before i felt like i couldnt talk to anyone so it gave me someone to talk to, you just sit there and talk about things going on or hav gone on

CraigyyBoyy says:
oo ritee

OhShoot!Its Carzyy!!SparkiieBoyy): DoesntLookGoodForYouuBubby)': i think one of the first things i talked to her about was why i felt shit at the time, then it was self image, now it varies

CraigyyBoyy says:
oo ritee how often do u do it

OhShoot!Its Amiie!! SparkiieBoyy): DoesntLookGoodForYouuBubby)': uhm varies on when theres a space
or what lesson you wanna miss
im missing p.e tomorrow

CraigyyBoyy says:
luckyy ;P

OhShoot!Its Crazyy!!SparkiieBoyy): DoesntLookGoodForYouuBubby)': ;P the down side to that is i havent been in ages and iv gone a bit mental
cut myself more then i used to

CraigyyBoyy says:
oo thts annoying

OhShoot!Its Crazyy!!SparkiieBoyy): DoesntLookGoodForYouuBubby)': mm lifes bull shit
its a pointless game everyone loses in the end anyway

CraigyyBoyy says:
mm i agree.. we all die in the end.

and that was mine and Craig's depressing conversationn..
and WHOOPEYY i get to miss p.e tomorrow coz of the counsellor (Y)

finally
havent been in ages. im going insane.

but hey thats my news. and that Skei could be expelled from my school, whiwch would make me even worse.

so anyway
good bye all, prey for my puppyy?
if you do i'll love you (:

"I've had my wake up, Wont you wake up, I keep asking why, I cant take it, It wasnt fake, It happened you passed by.."
x