AHHH! WHATS GOING ON!!

Bastard God.
Took My Dog.
Lifes Flushed Down The Bog
Someone Gimme A HOG [hug.. incase you didnt get it]

Like my little limmerick? Yeah. Sorry I havent written on here in a little while, I write in 'My Trip To Perfection' Daily so most stuffs in there...

Yes, Sparkie died. 5:00pm 4/5/10. 5 years old.

GOD YOU MOTHER FUCKING CUNT!!

I hate him.

The happy pills just make me emotionally numb, then everything explodes out in a messy state called a break down. I think I've had 5 last week. Skei didn't turn up on Monday. Or talk to me on Tuesday. Or come over on Sunday, I walked to his in the end. I still ache.
Bambi had a go at me. No reason at all except, and I quote, 'Your bad mood is your only mood!'...
Bitch.
She knows my dog died.
She can fuck herself for all i care.

Infact. Most people I know can all go die. I hate them all.
I dont need them to tell me I'm shit. I know that already. I have the voices that tell me and the appearance of an ED who shove it in my face everyday. I dont need anyone to make me feel inferiour. I can hurt myself both physically and mentally. They can fuck off.
I'll eventually show them I'm not the fat bitch they think I am. I'm not as pathetic as they think. I have issues. Because of them, and so many other reasons. I'll show them I can be perfect.

I will be perfect.

I've had so much injustice delt to me my whole life I've finally had enough. Its all above my head. Now I will explode like a volcanoe. Just like everytime someone annoys me that little bit too much. They get an earful of abusive shouting from me. And the occational strangle or punch. Or even a bollocking.
I'm done. I have too much inside. Anything else just throws it out of whack.

Ignorance is their best friend. As the beautiful Hayley Williams once sang. She has a point. If they dont know then they dont realise. Their philosophy I guess.

The funny thing is. No one, not even a medical proffecional, thinks theres anything wrong with me. HA! WHAT THE FUCK! I'm close to an ED, I even said to the the nurse that I occationally way over eat then dont eat much for a long time. She didnt pick it up. She thought it was normal. What? Are you kidding? I havent even told her the half of it. Wow. I'm actually coming to terms with the fact I probably have, or I'm developing, an ED. Pretty fast.
But th thing is. I think I'll give up trying to get help. I'll become a mental case, incapable of living day to day life. Then maybe, just maybe, they'll see what's wrong with me.

I cant believe that they dont think anythings wrong with me. The nurse put it down to my dog dieing. But I've felt this way, way before he died! Oh my God!

Okay I'm really angry now. I should go.

Not Best If I'm Angry.
Ughh...
x

oh for f-cks sake ...

My Puppy, Sparkie <3

Christ.
God actually hates me. (And I hate him right fucking back!)

Heres the deal. My Dog, Spark, has cancer. Hes had it for about a year and a half now, but hes coming to the point where we dont think he can fight it anymore.

Hes not eating, drinking or being the puppy I love.

Instead, hes sick, tired, on painkillers and gagging all the time.

Hes my Dog, not anyone else's in the house. So it really hurts.
He only turned 5 a month ago.

I honestly dont think i can handle anymore!


i beat the shit out of a locker last week coz of one little camment about me weight, imagine what I'll do if Spark dies/gets put down.





Yeah. Go mad. At everyone.





The happy pills definetly wont if he does.


Pray for him for me? Even if you're not religious.





And if Skei doesn't turn up today then I'm going to have a break down.


Its coming up to his childhood friends 2 year death anaversary. I get thats hard, I'm trying not to be so pathetic but honestly. I may not be able to face school for the week.





The weather has perfect timing. Its been beautiful all last week, now its pissing it down.





Just when it comes to Skei's friends yanno, and when Spark gets to his worst.


Mum said that if he's still bad today, then she's going to call the vet up to put him to sleep.





I HATE being tested like this.


Too much at once.





At least this mental health place for teenagers has gotten back to me. I'm seeing them on Thursday. I had to fill out a form yesterday to bring in.








FUCK MY LIFE I GIVE UP!!!!!!!!





'Lock the doors I'd Like to caputre this voice..'


wish me luck -.-


x