AHHH! WHATS GOING ON!!

Bastard God.
Took My Dog.
Lifes Flushed Down The Bog
Someone Gimme A HOG [hug.. incase you didnt get it]

Like my little limmerick? Yeah. Sorry I havent written on here in a little while, I write in 'My Trip To Perfection' Daily so most stuffs in there...

Yes, Sparkie died. 5:00pm 4/5/10. 5 years old.

GOD YOU MOTHER FUCKING CUNT!!

I hate him.

The happy pills just make me emotionally numb, then everything explodes out in a messy state called a break down. I think I've had 5 last week. Skei didn't turn up on Monday. Or talk to me on Tuesday. Or come over on Sunday, I walked to his in the end. I still ache.
Bambi had a go at me. No reason at all except, and I quote, 'Your bad mood is your only mood!'...
Bitch.
She knows my dog died.
She can fuck herself for all i care.

Infact. Most people I know can all go die. I hate them all.
I dont need them to tell me I'm shit. I know that already. I have the voices that tell me and the appearance of an ED who shove it in my face everyday. I dont need anyone to make me feel inferiour. I can hurt myself both physically and mentally. They can fuck off.
I'll eventually show them I'm not the fat bitch they think I am. I'm not as pathetic as they think. I have issues. Because of them, and so many other reasons. I'll show them I can be perfect.

I will be perfect.

I've had so much injustice delt to me my whole life I've finally had enough. Its all above my head. Now I will explode like a volcanoe. Just like everytime someone annoys me that little bit too much. They get an earful of abusive shouting from me. And the occational strangle or punch. Or even a bollocking.
I'm done. I have too much inside. Anything else just throws it out of whack.

Ignorance is their best friend. As the beautiful Hayley Williams once sang. She has a point. If they dont know then they dont realise. Their philosophy I guess.

The funny thing is. No one, not even a medical proffecional, thinks theres anything wrong with me. HA! WHAT THE FUCK! I'm close to an ED, I even said to the the nurse that I occationally way over eat then dont eat much for a long time. She didnt pick it up. She thought it was normal. What? Are you kidding? I havent even told her the half of it. Wow. I'm actually coming to terms with the fact I probably have, or I'm developing, an ED. Pretty fast.
But th thing is. I think I'll give up trying to get help. I'll become a mental case, incapable of living day to day life. Then maybe, just maybe, they'll see what's wrong with me.

I cant believe that they dont think anythings wrong with me. The nurse put it down to my dog dieing. But I've felt this way, way before he died! Oh my God!

Okay I'm really angry now. I should go.

Not Best If I'm Angry.
Ughh...
x

updatee :)

RIIIIIGHTYY

well as an update i cant remember if i mentioned the two new room mates i have in my head.
Ana and Psyc. yeahh. little bit about them:

Ana
14 years old
5'5
very thin
light brown hair and brown eyes
full fringe, straight hair.
not the nicest person to come accross

Psyc
16 years old
5'10
size 8 with a DD cup size[weird how i kno that..]
short hair with longish fringe and dyed red
basically me drunk. :L:L

honestly its kinda scary. and im having halusinations >.< stuff like reli big spiders crawling up the walls at night and tall scary men standing over me. at night, youd crap yourself.
just thought id mention that

also unfortunetly developed a need to bleed again :/ i made Skei go into a fit coz iv started cutting again :/ i feel relii bad but its better than killing myself right?

i caught a glimps of my legs the other day in shorts and thought 'NO WAY!' they actually look MUCH thinner than usual. :)

and my grades are still above average :D i plan on showing all the fuckers in my life up.

but i reli need a fag :/ i hav 2 but i dont think i could get away with smelling like them afterwards :/ mehh ill hav to make do.
mental note: meet up with Craig after school again to hav a fag like we did AGES ago <3 loved that day

yes im doing well on the weight front. [wheyheyy!!] 10 stone 13 pounds. hopefully losing more!

this is verrrry scatterbrained i kno >.<
well i think thats it.. ima make myself some healthy hot chocolate :L



bye mah lovers x ;)

Oooohh Not Long Now!! :o

Good evening all, altho no one reads this haha :D i've realised that this is just for my pure entertainment... cool :)

but anywayyy... nearly school time again!! :O ima bit nervous coz i'll be in year 10 and starting GCSEs :S well im taking a deploma instead but its the same princeple. should be fun though :) and ive got an audition for a pantomime of Peter Pan, hopefully i'll get a part, if not, i'll be sad. arghh i didnt get tickets for The Mission District! :O damn it. completely forgot. my scars are nearly gone thank God. there are like 3 you can still slightly see but you wouldnt think they were anything more than from a branch or a cat. even tho i dont have a cat. if anyone asks from now on, i fell in a bush. hm, i need to repaint my nails... and that Charlie from busted whos now in.. umm... *goes and checks* Fightstar. well i think hes shit at singing tbh.. :/ and his bushy eyebrows annoy me HAHAHAHAHA!!! i never liked him in busted coz eveyone i knew at the time loved him. i always like James :) xD OMG im just rambling on about proper random crap! AAHAHAHAHAAAA!! :) i need to go to HMV soon-ish to get some CDs and Maybe a couple of DVDs.. i need to get some more money first. :S or its pointless.
ANYWAY anyone whos gotten this far, youre awesome :)

good bye to you from meee (and the little voice you hear in your head when you read things!!) :D
x