updatee :)

RIIIIIGHTYY

well as an update i cant remember if i mentioned the two new room mates i have in my head.
Ana and Psyc. yeahh. little bit about them:

Ana
14 years old
5'5
very thin
light brown hair and brown eyes
full fringe, straight hair.
not the nicest person to come accross

Psyc
16 years old
5'10
size 8 with a DD cup size[weird how i kno that..]
short hair with longish fringe and dyed red
basically me drunk. :L:L

honestly its kinda scary. and im having halusinations >.< stuff like reli big spiders crawling up the walls at night and tall scary men standing over me. at night, youd crap yourself.
just thought id mention that

also unfortunetly developed a need to bleed again :/ i made Skei go into a fit coz iv started cutting again :/ i feel relii bad but its better than killing myself right?

i caught a glimps of my legs the other day in shorts and thought 'NO WAY!' they actually look MUCH thinner than usual. :)

and my grades are still above average :D i plan on showing all the fuckers in my life up.

but i reli need a fag :/ i hav 2 but i dont think i could get away with smelling like them afterwards :/ mehh ill hav to make do.
mental note: meet up with Craig after school again to hav a fag like we did AGES ago <3 loved that day

yes im doing well on the weight front. [wheyheyy!!] 10 stone 13 pounds. hopefully losing more!

this is verrrry scatterbrained i kno >.<
well i think thats it.. ima make myself some healthy hot chocolate :L



bye mah lovers x ;)

Oh So Frustrated

mood: anxious
listening to: my myspace playlist
typing: this

Skei is supposed to be coming over but i have a feeling he wont... he has a problem with keeping promises about meeting up. ahhh im so anxious! havent eaten yet today... scared i might throw it back up again. last night i was turning some old feelings into songs.. i think theyre okay compared to some iv written previously...

'I'm falling, falling,
into the hole of desperation,
theres no escape,
coz no one pays attention,

suffocation in all thats wrong,
i cant clear my head,
everythings swirling, swirling,
going full steam ahead,

correcting the mistakes,
too hard to contemplate,
trying but not succeeding,
help me, because im bleeding,

constant screams,
deafen me from the light,
ive lost my way,
nothing will ever be right,

dreeams become nightmares,
replaced by images of dispare,

people turned their backs,
or pushed me further,
rumours spreading,
try drowning my sorrow in jack,

hospital visions,
loved ones death,
they haunt me,
more with every breath,

2 months in this repetative state,
no one to call a friend,
keep it locked up,
hope it will all mend,

i need an escape,
i'll be back when im ready,
could take some time,
i wonder, will you miss me?

cancer, suicide,
not me but another,
more problems come,
placed on top of eachother,

the taunting and bitching,
i just cant take it,
shut your little mouths,
so i wont have to hear it,

phychological pain,
of being misunderstood,
trying to be strong,
like i thought i should,

losing energy,
and the will to carry onm
keep people from seeing my tears,
people think i'll live on,

i give up,
i need therapy to sort me out,
nothing i do works,
i need help without a doubt,'

uhm yes that was my song/poem thing using the really bad feelings that were expressed ages ago in this blog... tell me what you think.. any melody ideas for it.. anything.
i need constructive critisism..:)
tahh peopless :)

'black dress with the tights underneath, I gopt the breath of the last cigerette on my teeth..'

x

AHAHAHAA I'M BAACK!!

yeahh yeahh i kno im such a depressing twat well now im not going to be depressing. im going to be a bitch :D and a happy one at that :) ha! its amazing at how things have change since i last blogged!! first of all im going to start over with the names. so you probably wont kno who im talking about. but this is a fresh start as its a new year.

first of all. i hav a boyfriend. :D Skei. [pronounced sky, spelt that way for a reason] he was going out with Kitty [keeping her name the same. most suitable name i can think of! LOL] aaaand he prefers me :D so far we've been going out for 4 and a bit months :) <3 he wrote me a song and a poem :D the poem is stuck to my wall above my bedd :D

as for Kitty, shes a bitch whos still obsessed with my boyfriend. =_= one of my best friends, Hans[this is her man name in real life :D and a new person iv never mentioned] told me that Kitty was saying things like she missed pulling Skei. you dont go about saying stuff like that about someone elses boyfriend, even if hes your ex. even worse if he is your ex really isnt it? you broke up for a reason. get over it hes mine now :D

As for my new best buddie [well one of them] Hans is a lovely year 8. even tho im a year 10 btu shes awefully maturee for her agee :) shes really great. we agree on so much! we recently made a list of people we'd like to punch in the face! XD XD its amazing the things we talk about, her and Skei are the 2 people who kno most about me :) im thankful they are both there for me :)

on of my top five is the amazing Kingg, shes awesomee. she knows alot about me too. not as much as Skei or Hans XD but she makes me smile on a shitty dayy which is AMAZZINGG! :) she also tells me stuff that people hav sed [like the Kitty thing about Skei..] i love her for that. and shes not h=too hyper all the time, like Kitty =_= LOL :D and she doesnt tell other people my secrets :)

ANOTHER of my top fivee, Man. :L:L hes so cool. been my best friend for 3 years. coming up to 4 at the end of this one :) we talk about anything and everything. he keeps me sane when im questioning my sanity. hes like a big brother to mee :D also an amazing personn :)

my final top five person is Zanerr [i asked her what shed like to ba called an she sed Zaner, so thats what im putting her as in my blog :)] she may be a bit of a slut sometimes but hey shes a great person :) she makes things fun too :) iv pulled her twice XD XD

hm now on to people i dont like so much. Playa [suggested by my friend Craig XD] well first time we fell out was my fault, i made her boyfriend cheat on her XD didnt mean to tho. recently shes been sleeping around abit. she slept with this guy on facebook she just met in a skate park without a condom. gross i kno. and even more recently se slept with someone again. but different person. :/ one of the things that annoys me is that shes PROUD of sleeping with people she hardly knows at 14. urghh.

theres many moree XD but i cba right now if im honestt :)

one last thing on my mind now tho... HOW CAN KITTY LOSE 5 POUNDS IN A WEEK AND I CANT LOSE 1 AT ALL!? AHHH!!!

and if anyone who reads this knows of a good band to see or any concerts coming up, please tell mee :) apriciate it ;)

much love to you all, and happy new year :L:L
mines gonna be a happy one for once :)
<3 xxxx
'Kiss Your Lips, Grab Your Hips And Fly Away!'