updatee :)

RIIIIIGHTYY

well as an update i cant remember if i mentioned the two new room mates i have in my head.
Ana and Psyc. yeahh. little bit about them:

Ana
14 years old
5'5
very thin
light brown hair and brown eyes
full fringe, straight hair.
not the nicest person to come accross

Psyc
16 years old
5'10
size 8 with a DD cup size[weird how i kno that..]
short hair with longish fringe and dyed red
basically me drunk. :L:L

honestly its kinda scary. and im having halusinations >.< stuff like reli big spiders crawling up the walls at night and tall scary men standing over me. at night, youd crap yourself.
just thought id mention that

also unfortunetly developed a need to bleed again :/ i made Skei go into a fit coz iv started cutting again :/ i feel relii bad but its better than killing myself right?

i caught a glimps of my legs the other day in shorts and thought 'NO WAY!' they actually look MUCH thinner than usual. :)

and my grades are still above average :D i plan on showing all the fuckers in my life up.

but i reli need a fag :/ i hav 2 but i dont think i could get away with smelling like them afterwards :/ mehh ill hav to make do.
mental note: meet up with Craig after school again to hav a fag like we did AGES ago <3 loved that day

yes im doing well on the weight front. [wheyheyy!!] 10 stone 13 pounds. hopefully losing more!

this is verrrry scatterbrained i kno >.<
well i think thats it.. ima make myself some healthy hot chocolate :L



bye mah lovers x ;)

Achhhh T_T

mood: kinda crappyy
time: 10:03pm
Listening too: secondhand serenade

rightyy well i still uberlyy wanna kill kitty. she slammed a door in my face... on purpose. making my nose bash it quite harrd >.<>.< god i hav hardly any self control.
Playa is getting on my nerves. still. she thinks shes depressed. pfft. she has no reason to be depressed and shes deffinetly not. i am ! i should kno if other people are! like Craiiggg :( hes getting depressed coz Hans broke up with him and she now hates me for telling craig that she dumped him coz her feelings for dean were confusing her and shes making shit up tbh :/ shes going round saying she doesnt fancy him. i only told craig that, i duno why shes getting other people involved with this... oh well. if she wants to stay friends ill let her decide.

Skei did the weirdest thing the other day. he proposed to me. im 15. is that normal?? i sed id answer when he asks me properly with a ring :L:L so hes saving up apparentlyyyy.. hey ho

me and Craig met up after school today and had a couple of rollies. cigarettes incase you didnt kno. its become something i quite like.. not good i knoo but heyy. we'v descovered a way to smoke and get us all light headed! its amazing! it feels like youre tipsyy.. and we did a few smokers kisses too. [blowing your inhailed smoke into the others mouth.. not actual kissing] so today was alright, but i feel crappy again >.< i wanna be 18. everythings legal. except drugs o'coursee. they arent ever legal unless youre rasterfarian. duno if i spelt that rightt.. oh well.

i hope my mood lifts.. its really bugging me. i hav no enthusiasm.
oh crap i still hav to sort out my work expierience with lilly. [different person] were gonna call them up together to see if they hav a place for 2 peoplee >.< ahhhhhhhh

well good byee. i needed to rant a little.
not like you care
no one even reads this...

'i was born to say i love you'
x

Oh So Frustrated

mood: anxious
listening to: my myspace playlist
typing: this

Skei is supposed to be coming over but i have a feeling he wont... he has a problem with keeping promises about meeting up. ahhh im so anxious! havent eaten yet today... scared i might throw it back up again. last night i was turning some old feelings into songs.. i think theyre okay compared to some iv written previously...

'I'm falling, falling,
into the hole of desperation,
theres no escape,
coz no one pays attention,

suffocation in all thats wrong,
i cant clear my head,
everythings swirling, swirling,
going full steam ahead,

correcting the mistakes,
too hard to contemplate,
trying but not succeeding,
help me, because im bleeding,

constant screams,
deafen me from the light,
ive lost my way,
nothing will ever be right,

dreeams become nightmares,
replaced by images of dispare,

people turned their backs,
or pushed me further,
rumours spreading,
try drowning my sorrow in jack,

hospital visions,
loved ones death,
they haunt me,
more with every breath,

2 months in this repetative state,
no one to call a friend,
keep it locked up,
hope it will all mend,

i need an escape,
i'll be back when im ready,
could take some time,
i wonder, will you miss me?

cancer, suicide,
not me but another,
more problems come,
placed on top of eachother,

the taunting and bitching,
i just cant take it,
shut your little mouths,
so i wont have to hear it,

phychological pain,
of being misunderstood,
trying to be strong,
like i thought i should,

losing energy,
and the will to carry onm
keep people from seeing my tears,
people think i'll live on,

i give up,
i need therapy to sort me out,
nothing i do works,
i need help without a doubt,'

uhm yes that was my song/poem thing using the really bad feelings that were expressed ages ago in this blog... tell me what you think.. any melody ideas for it.. anything.
i need constructive critisism..:)
tahh peopless :)

'black dress with the tights underneath, I gopt the breath of the last cigerette on my teeth..'

x

Righty Right Right Riiight.

meh, people are bitching about me behind my back about the stupidest things. like my hair. i dyed my hair red but you cant really see it but in the sunlight and some other type of light it glows a really awesome red. now one of my top 5 [King] was bitching about it acording to Bambi [another friend of mine] which is really retarded. can she not say something that pointless to my face? seriously if she had sed it to my face i wouldnt hav given a shit but since she said it behind my back i really dislike her now. T_T
also she was bitching to Kitty about it which makes everything worse. id reeaaalyy like to punch Kitty in the face. trying to take my boyfriend. god damn it. fucking emo-wannabe-scene-BITCH. she wrote a todo list on his arm yesterday...
'to do list.. buy Kitty a giraffe, become a fish doctor' < ahem,, FUCK OFF. i scribbled it out in maths coz im that mean. and i haate her that much.

but hey ho. he swore at me.. like proper swore. yanno and angry swearing at sorta thing. the other day. made me sad. but he was sorry. its coz he hadnt had a fag. [hes quitting.. well cutting down then quitting] aaaaand today me him and Dean got caught off of school premisses. meh dont really care. my mum didnt really give too much of a shit when i told her... ahh well.

Skei is coming over mine on sundayy ^_^ been ages since last time he did. we're gonna watch Naruto ^_^ hes a closet Narutard ^_^ hes actually alot like Naruto :3 i spose im Sasuke coz of my hair. heh heh. he was planning on taking me to London to a posh resterant for Valentines but my mum didnt like the idea so it will probably be in Brightonn.. :) i do love him. even if hes an accidental dick head.

Fecking Diploma Homework is what im doing atm. it sucks. its for tomorrow so i hav to finish it. mehhh! i hate the review process after a project is overr T_T ARRGH

thats about all for todayy my lovess (L)

goodbyee all :) x

'I'm Gonna Break Your Little Heart, Watch You Take The Fall, Laughing All The Way To The Hospital'

Oooohh Not Long Now!! :o

Good evening all, altho no one reads this haha :D i've realised that this is just for my pure entertainment... cool :)

but anywayyy... nearly school time again!! :O ima bit nervous coz i'll be in year 10 and starting GCSEs :S well im taking a deploma instead but its the same princeple. should be fun though :) and ive got an audition for a pantomime of Peter Pan, hopefully i'll get a part, if not, i'll be sad. arghh i didnt get tickets for The Mission District! :O damn it. completely forgot. my scars are nearly gone thank God. there are like 3 you can still slightly see but you wouldnt think they were anything more than from a branch or a cat. even tho i dont have a cat. if anyone asks from now on, i fell in a bush. hm, i need to repaint my nails... and that Charlie from busted whos now in.. umm... *goes and checks* Fightstar. well i think hes shit at singing tbh.. :/ and his bushy eyebrows annoy me HAHAHAHAHA!!! i never liked him in busted coz eveyone i knew at the time loved him. i always like James :) xD OMG im just rambling on about proper random crap! AAHAHAHAHAAAA!! :) i need to go to HMV soon-ish to get some CDs and Maybe a couple of DVDs.. i need to get some more money first. :S or its pointless.
ANYWAY anyone whos gotten this far, youre awesome :)

good bye to you from meee (and the little voice you hear in your head when you read things!!) :D
x