RIIIIIGHTYY
well as an update i cant remember if i mentioned the two new room mates i have in my head.
Ana and Psyc. yeahh. little bit about them:
Ana
14 years old
5'5
very thin
light brown hair and brown eyes
full fringe, straight hair.
not the nicest person to come accross
Psyc
16 years old
5'10
size 8 with a DD cup size[weird how i kno that..]
short hair with longish fringe and dyed red
basically me drunk. :L:L
honestly its kinda scary. and im having halusinations >.< stuff like reli big spiders crawling up the walls at night and tall scary men standing over me. at night, youd crap yourself.
just thought id mention that
also unfortunetly developed a need to bleed again :/ i made Skei go into a fit coz iv started cutting again :/ i feel relii bad but its better than killing myself right?
i caught a glimps of my legs the other day in shorts and thought 'NO WAY!' they actually look MUCH thinner than usual. :)
and my grades are still above average :D i plan on showing all the fuckers in my life up.
but i reli need a fag :/ i hav 2 but i dont think i could get away with smelling like them afterwards :/ mehh ill hav to make do.
mental note: meet up with Craig after school again to hav a fag like we did AGES ago <3 loved that day
yes im doing well on the weight front. [wheyheyy!!] 10 stone 13 pounds. hopefully losing more!
this is verrrry scatterbrained i kno >.<
well i think thats it.. ima make myself some healthy hot chocolate :L
bye mah lovers x ;)
Showing posts with label etc.. Show all posts
Showing posts with label etc.. Show all posts
Monday, 19 April 2010
Thursday, 4 March 2010
Achhhh T_T
mood: kinda crappyy
time: 10:03pm
Listening too: secondhand serenade
rightyy well i still uberlyy wanna kill kitty. she slammed a door in my face... on purpose. making my nose bash it quite harrd >.<>.< god i hav hardly any self control.
Playa is getting on my nerves. still. she thinks shes depressed. pfft. she has no reason to be depressed and shes deffinetly not. i am ! i should kno if other people are! like Craiiggg :( hes getting depressed coz Hans broke up with him and she now hates me for telling craig that she dumped him coz her feelings for dean were confusing her and shes making shit up tbh :/ shes going round saying she doesnt fancy him. i only told craig that, i duno why shes getting other people involved with this... oh well. if she wants to stay friends ill let her decide.
Skei did the weirdest thing the other day. he proposed to me. im 15. is that normal?? i sed id answer when he asks me properly with a ring :L:L so hes saving up apparentlyyyy.. hey ho
me and Craig met up after school today and had a couple of rollies. cigarettes incase you didnt kno. its become something i quite like.. not good i knoo but heyy. we'v descovered a way to smoke and get us all light headed! its amazing! it feels like youre tipsyy.. and we did a few smokers kisses too. [blowing your inhailed smoke into the others mouth.. not actual kissing] so today was alright, but i feel crappy again >.< i wanna be 18. everythings legal. except drugs o'coursee. they arent ever legal unless youre rasterfarian. duno if i spelt that rightt.. oh well.
i hope my mood lifts.. its really bugging me. i hav no enthusiasm.
oh crap i still hav to sort out my work expierience with lilly. [different person] were gonna call them up together to see if they hav a place for 2 peoplee >.< ahhhhhhhh
well good byee. i needed to rant a little.
not like you care
no one even reads this...
'i was born to say i love you'
x
time: 10:03pm
Listening too: secondhand serenade
rightyy well i still uberlyy wanna kill kitty. she slammed a door in my face... on purpose. making my nose bash it quite harrd >.<>.< god i hav hardly any self control.
Playa is getting on my nerves. still. she thinks shes depressed. pfft. she has no reason to be depressed and shes deffinetly not. i am ! i should kno if other people are! like Craiiggg :( hes getting depressed coz Hans broke up with him and she now hates me for telling craig that she dumped him coz her feelings for dean were confusing her and shes making shit up tbh :/ shes going round saying she doesnt fancy him. i only told craig that, i duno why shes getting other people involved with this... oh well. if she wants to stay friends ill let her decide.
Skei did the weirdest thing the other day. he proposed to me. im 15. is that normal?? i sed id answer when he asks me properly with a ring :L:L so hes saving up apparentlyyyy.. hey ho
me and Craig met up after school today and had a couple of rollies. cigarettes incase you didnt kno. its become something i quite like.. not good i knoo but heyy. we'v descovered a way to smoke and get us all light headed! its amazing! it feels like youre tipsyy.. and we did a few smokers kisses too. [blowing your inhailed smoke into the others mouth.. not actual kissing] so today was alright, but i feel crappy again >.< i wanna be 18. everythings legal. except drugs o'coursee. they arent ever legal unless youre rasterfarian. duno if i spelt that rightt.. oh well.
i hope my mood lifts.. its really bugging me. i hav no enthusiasm.
oh crap i still hav to sort out my work expierience with lilly. [different person] were gonna call them up together to see if they hav a place for 2 peoplee >.< ahhhhhhhh
well good byee. i needed to rant a little.
not like you care
no one even reads this...
'i was born to say i love you'
x
Sunday, 7 February 2010
Oh So Frustrated
mood: anxious
listening to: my myspace playlist
typing: this
Skei is supposed to be coming over but i have a feeling he wont... he has a problem with keeping promises about meeting up. ahhh im so anxious! havent eaten yet today... scared i might throw it back up again. last night i was turning some old feelings into songs.. i think theyre okay compared to some iv written previously...
'I'm falling, falling,
into the hole of desperation,
theres no escape,
coz no one pays attention,
suffocation in all thats wrong,
i cant clear my head,
everythings swirling, swirling,
going full steam ahead,
correcting the mistakes,
too hard to contemplate,
trying but not succeeding,
help me, because im bleeding,
constant screams,
deafen me from the light,
ive lost my way,
nothing will ever be right,
dreeams become nightmares,
replaced by images of dispare,
people turned their backs,
or pushed me further,
rumours spreading,
try drowning my sorrow in jack,
hospital visions,
loved ones death,
they haunt me,
more with every breath,
2 months in this repetative state,
no one to call a friend,
keep it locked up,
hope it will all mend,
i need an escape,
i'll be back when im ready,
could take some time,
i wonder, will you miss me?
cancer, suicide,
not me but another,
more problems come,
placed on top of eachother,
the taunting and bitching,
i just cant take it,
shut your little mouths,
so i wont have to hear it,
phychological pain,
of being misunderstood,
trying to be strong,
like i thought i should,
losing energy,
and the will to carry onm
keep people from seeing my tears,
people think i'll live on,
i give up,
i need therapy to sort me out,
nothing i do works,
i need help without a doubt,'
uhm yes that was my song/poem thing using the really bad feelings that were expressed ages ago in this blog... tell me what you think.. any melody ideas for it.. anything.
i need constructive critisism..:)
tahh peopless :)
'black dress with the tights underneath, I gopt the breath of the last cigerette on my teeth..'
x
listening to: my myspace playlist
typing: this
Skei is supposed to be coming over but i have a feeling he wont... he has a problem with keeping promises about meeting up. ahhh im so anxious! havent eaten yet today... scared i might throw it back up again. last night i was turning some old feelings into songs.. i think theyre okay compared to some iv written previously...
'I'm falling, falling,
into the hole of desperation,
theres no escape,
coz no one pays attention,
suffocation in all thats wrong,
i cant clear my head,
everythings swirling, swirling,
going full steam ahead,
correcting the mistakes,
too hard to contemplate,
trying but not succeeding,
help me, because im bleeding,
constant screams,
deafen me from the light,
ive lost my way,
nothing will ever be right,
dreeams become nightmares,
replaced by images of dispare,
people turned their backs,
or pushed me further,
rumours spreading,
try drowning my sorrow in jack,
hospital visions,
loved ones death,
they haunt me,
more with every breath,
2 months in this repetative state,
no one to call a friend,
keep it locked up,
hope it will all mend,
i need an escape,
i'll be back when im ready,
could take some time,
i wonder, will you miss me?
cancer, suicide,
not me but another,
more problems come,
placed on top of eachother,
the taunting and bitching,
i just cant take it,
shut your little mouths,
so i wont have to hear it,
phychological pain,
of being misunderstood,
trying to be strong,
like i thought i should,
losing energy,
and the will to carry onm
keep people from seeing my tears,
people think i'll live on,
i give up,
i need therapy to sort me out,
nothing i do works,
i need help without a doubt,'
uhm yes that was my song/poem thing using the really bad feelings that were expressed ages ago in this blog... tell me what you think.. any melody ideas for it.. anything.
i need constructive critisism..:)
tahh peopless :)
'black dress with the tights underneath, I gopt the breath of the last cigerette on my teeth..'
x
Friday, 8 May 2009
Grrrrr!!
Mood: confuzzled
Listening To: whatevers playing in my itunes.
first off, sorry to anyone who actually reads this. my computer decided to fuck its self. and would not work.
last weeks thursday
was a pretty awesome day to be honest. Luna cheered me up with a drawing of me and my guardian angel. made me happy for the day. =]
last friday
betrayed by manny. we were going to take a deploma together but hes backed out and i'm going to be a larry next year in year 10. and year 11 too.
weekend.
my drama class thing was pretty cool. cheered me up too. selby and alex [not my dad my friend] were there and so was jody and a few people we dont really like. mine and selby's son, peter, wasnt there and neither was Ana which made us A TINY BIT sad but it was awesome. me, alex and selby are going to bother a former pupil of our drama thing, called steven, until he comes back. coz we miss him too much. and just incase anyone was wondering, we are bothering him on bebo.
monday
bank holiday as you may know.i didnt feel well AT ALL. i wanted to be sick and i had serious stomach pains. and no it wasnt my period. i dont get pains and i was on it the week before. but anyway, that evening me and my mum were in her room watching the second harry potter film when my grannie called up, something about a whining noise. she asked if Brandie [one of my dogs] was up in my mums room with us and we were like noooo. later, we all went downstairs and found her in my grannie and grandvati's room, bleeding perfusely out of her nose and mouth. i think it was about 9 o'clock. well passed 9. and everyone was getting towels and calling the vets etc. etc. and we took her to the vet at about quarter to ten. basically, it was like a nose bleed, but she had been hit pretty hard on one side of her nose and it was very swolen. now, we think it was a badger. cause she had two bite marks, one under her chin and one on top of her nose. and i slept downstairs to keep and eye on her.
tuesday.
felt far worse. wanting to be sick constantly. actually being sick. i wont go into full detail but it was aweful.
wednesday.
my mum told be the day before that shes guna take me to the doctor. her and my gran both said it could be greif or stress or something to do with school. i agree totally. the doctor said it was probably stress related but i could have an infection or virus... or something. she perscribed me some anti-sickness tablets to take twice a day. meh. and my mother wanted me to go to school the next day. she arranged a meeting with my head of year to talk about my problems and what she could do.
thursday.
i hate school. i dont want to go back. i only stayed half the day though. and tazz gave me a picture of me and my angel aswell, which made me happier. lilly owes me a picture too coz i drew her, tazz, luna and kitty pictures. but anyway. i really like history because we were learning about the atomic bomb and were watching a video. at the end of that lesson oliver gave me a note. i looked at it and thought 'awwh its a sorry note!' i read it on the way to my head of years office and waited until she came out and asked me if my mum was here yet but i didnt know so we walked to the main office where visitors come and my mum was sitting there.
we talked about whats been going on, whos been doing what etc. and she said that she made oliver cry! i found that quite funny. bless him though. he was actually appauled at himself.
and finally... today.
everyone seems much different. oliver is pretty sweet now. bless 'im. he said sorry to my face aswell! nawh! and bobby wasnt a nasty bastard. but kirsten is a fugly uncle fucker. in art today, we were in a different room and had a supply teacher. so kirsten and my friend Lii sat together at the back and i sat infront of them with Luce and manny and my ex sat infront of us. Lii had my rubber and manny wanted it so he asked her to pass it to him but when she tossed it to him, it hit him in the face. it was rather funny but it was a accident. then kirsten starts chucking colouring pencils at the back of his head for no reason at all and it was pissing him off. so i said something like. 'stop being such a stupid bitch you retard!' and she was all 'oooh look whos stressy!' and said what i said in that really annying immitaion voice which is the same for everybody. whoevers reading this should deffinetly know what i mean. but i gennerally just stuck my middle finger up at her. she really isnt worth the effort. im going to e-mail my head of year and ask her is she got round to talking to kirsten. its what my head of year told me to do.
later in german, i sit next to bobby in our seating plan and we had a very pleasant conversation. at one point i said 'i duno what 'weil' means, yeah im real helpful!' sarcastically and he said 'well you usually are.' wow. hes never said that to me before. and he also said that my manga drawings are really good! i was all 'wow! thanks!' and im generally pleased with myself!
in after noon regerstration, oliver put his hand up to me for me to high five and so did alex so i gave them high fives and i heard oliver say when i walked off, 'i got a better high five then you!' to alex. hum ^_^ im quite happy.
the only thing im not happy about is the guy i like who i mentioned before... i think in my first blog. who my friend flirted with. you know... Maxi. its basically that. when you like a guy they either dont like you, or only like you as a mate or for a laugh. and Maxi is exactly like that. he said that im not his type and i make him laugh. hm. its depressing. i really do like him. and he wont even gimme a chance. but im planning a party at the begining of summer in one of my fields with loadsa mates including Maxi and his friends who my firends like and are friends with, and get uber pissed. hum! ^_^ hopefully will be fun. but we need to set a date. etc. etc.
umm.. thats about it now. quite a long update (:
i'll try and post another blogy thing tomorrow or sunday.
bysie! xx (:
Listening To: whatevers playing in my itunes.
first off, sorry to anyone who actually reads this. my computer decided to fuck its self. and would not work.
last weeks thursday
was a pretty awesome day to be honest. Luna cheered me up with a drawing of me and my guardian angel. made me happy for the day. =]
last friday
betrayed by manny. we were going to take a deploma together but hes backed out and i'm going to be a larry next year in year 10. and year 11 too.
weekend.
my drama class thing was pretty cool. cheered me up too. selby and alex [not my dad my friend] were there and so was jody and a few people we dont really like. mine and selby's son, peter, wasnt there and neither was Ana which made us A TINY BIT sad but it was awesome. me, alex and selby are going to bother a former pupil of our drama thing, called steven, until he comes back. coz we miss him too much. and just incase anyone was wondering, we are bothering him on bebo.
monday
bank holiday as you may know.i didnt feel well AT ALL. i wanted to be sick and i had serious stomach pains. and no it wasnt my period. i dont get pains and i was on it the week before. but anyway, that evening me and my mum were in her room watching the second harry potter film when my grannie called up, something about a whining noise. she asked if Brandie [one of my dogs] was up in my mums room with us and we were like noooo. later, we all went downstairs and found her in my grannie and grandvati's room, bleeding perfusely out of her nose and mouth. i think it was about 9 o'clock. well passed 9. and everyone was getting towels and calling the vets etc. etc. and we took her to the vet at about quarter to ten. basically, it was like a nose bleed, but she had been hit pretty hard on one side of her nose and it was very swolen. now, we think it was a badger. cause she had two bite marks, one under her chin and one on top of her nose. and i slept downstairs to keep and eye on her.
tuesday.
felt far worse. wanting to be sick constantly. actually being sick. i wont go into full detail but it was aweful.
wednesday.
my mum told be the day before that shes guna take me to the doctor. her and my gran both said it could be greif or stress or something to do with school. i agree totally. the doctor said it was probably stress related but i could have an infection or virus... or something. she perscribed me some anti-sickness tablets to take twice a day. meh. and my mother wanted me to go to school the next day. she arranged a meeting with my head of year to talk about my problems and what she could do.
thursday.
i hate school. i dont want to go back. i only stayed half the day though. and tazz gave me a picture of me and my angel aswell, which made me happier. lilly owes me a picture too coz i drew her, tazz, luna and kitty pictures. but anyway. i really like history because we were learning about the atomic bomb and were watching a video. at the end of that lesson oliver gave me a note. i looked at it and thought 'awwh its a sorry note!' i read it on the way to my head of years office and waited until she came out and asked me if my mum was here yet but i didnt know so we walked to the main office where visitors come and my mum was sitting there.
we talked about whats been going on, whos been doing what etc. and she said that she made oliver cry! i found that quite funny. bless him though. he was actually appauled at himself.
and finally... today.
everyone seems much different. oliver is pretty sweet now. bless 'im. he said sorry to my face aswell! nawh! and bobby wasnt a nasty bastard. but kirsten is a fugly uncle fucker. in art today, we were in a different room and had a supply teacher. so kirsten and my friend Lii sat together at the back and i sat infront of them with Luce and manny and my ex sat infront of us. Lii had my rubber and manny wanted it so he asked her to pass it to him but when she tossed it to him, it hit him in the face. it was rather funny but it was a accident. then kirsten starts chucking colouring pencils at the back of his head for no reason at all and it was pissing him off. so i said something like. 'stop being such a stupid bitch you retard!' and she was all 'oooh look whos stressy!' and said what i said in that really annying immitaion voice which is the same for everybody. whoevers reading this should deffinetly know what i mean. but i gennerally just stuck my middle finger up at her. she really isnt worth the effort. im going to e-mail my head of year and ask her is she got round to talking to kirsten. its what my head of year told me to do.
later in german, i sit next to bobby in our seating plan and we had a very pleasant conversation. at one point i said 'i duno what 'weil' means, yeah im real helpful!' sarcastically and he said 'well you usually are.' wow. hes never said that to me before. and he also said that my manga drawings are really good! i was all 'wow! thanks!' and im generally pleased with myself!
in after noon regerstration, oliver put his hand up to me for me to high five and so did alex so i gave them high fives and i heard oliver say when i walked off, 'i got a better high five then you!' to alex. hum ^_^ im quite happy.
the only thing im not happy about is the guy i like who i mentioned before... i think in my first blog. who my friend flirted with. you know... Maxi. its basically that. when you like a guy they either dont like you, or only like you as a mate or for a laugh. and Maxi is exactly like that. he said that im not his type and i make him laugh. hm. its depressing. i really do like him. and he wont even gimme a chance. but im planning a party at the begining of summer in one of my fields with loadsa mates including Maxi and his friends who my firends like and are friends with, and get uber pissed. hum! ^_^ hopefully will be fun. but we need to set a date. etc. etc.
umm.. thats about it now. quite a long update (:
i'll try and post another blogy thing tomorrow or sunday.
bysie! xx (:
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
